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R.J.'s Talkback Plebe Radio
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| Defriending everyday objects |
[10 Jul 2009|08:51pm] |
It's time we evolved the language again. Why simply use "defriending" when referring to people? Now you can use it on everyday objects as well! Some examples:
"I couldn't wait to defriend my shoes after I got home yesterday."
"I defriended the bus outside my house."
"Defriend this shit, I'm leaving!"
"Excuse me, I'm off to defriend some poo."
Try it on your friends and family! Get on the future train before it defriends you.
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| I am delightful. |
[10 Jul 2009|04:23pm] |
Apparently they aren't putting small press books in Borders. SO WE HEAR. Local New Zealand publishers are getting stiffed! This must be rectified. Tomorrow (as it looks like I won't be doing any community work this weekend) I shall be out annoying retail staff. Well. Once I find out for sure this is the case.
Also.
Apparently it's not just Andy and Me who think this bloke has joined a cult. Have been talking to others who've been watching this and been like... HMMM. :/ It's one of those evangelical ones and I looked them up and they have seminars and camps on things like HOW TO LIVE DURING THE END TIMES and other stuff that scares the shite out of me. It's freaky as fuck. How precisely do you uhhhhh approach this kind of situation? Another friend of mine was in a cult from birth and only just got out, and I never even knew he was religious at any part of our friendship, he hid the cult so well. It's so fucked, I don't know what to do.
The dude hasn't written back to Andy's nervy little enquiry so we're waiting but... omgomg, this is so fucked up, I can't stop thinking about it.
In better news I am going to Dr Sketchy tomorrow, I swear. But I just got an email and apparently our little charity stall is ON, so I'm going to have to go all WAHHH ANIMAL RIGHTS until 1:30, run home, and then come back in to be all HMMM DRAWING BURLESQUE MODELS until 7.
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| Sads, cracking of them. |
[09 Jul 2009|11:06pm] |
I had a fun day at work today. I also saw Andy's new building, which is PURTY. I would hate to work there, because it's PURTY like a huge IKEA catalogue. But yeah. Still, purty.
I keep feeling like I have the things I read in the Ryan report chewing at the back of my head. It's unbareable. Yes, these two lines seem to have no connect. That's sort of how it feels.
I finished sort of a major project today, I just have to clean it up some tomorrow and it'll be set.
Andy's super excited about his new blog. I am too. I want him to be super famous. And he's so funny and clever.
I'm currently worried as fuck about Andy's friend from school (best mate at our wedding, after Andy's best mate decided to stay fucking about in China). I've been reading posts of his and they're making me... I don't know. That feeling you get when you're like... there's something wrong here.
To cheer myself up, I would like to entertain you with a little slice of NEW ZILLUND.
Here, they call meth, P.
Do you find that funny?
No?
Then think about the reports on the news that we get.
Man caught for hoarding P.
Drug baron sold P to children.
Police have found a lot of P in the houses of [district]
This is as totally AWESOME as when we flew in to England back in 1999 or something and my very reserved uncle was showing us around the city in his car and the only news on EVERY RADIO STATION was about a guy who'd walked into a church stark naked with a samurai sword.
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| The Ryan Report |
[08 Jul 2009|01:24pm] |
I'm going to read the Ryan Report. http://www.wsws.org/articles/2009/may2009/irel-m26.shtml
I don't actually want to because, well, I don't actually want to, because reading this isn't my idea of a good fucking time, thanks. But I think that I should. And I've been kind of putting it off for a while. :/
Australians are very passionate about the fact that they, personally, are sorry for the things their ancestors did when it came to wiping out the native aboriginal people. I guess this is sort of along the same lines. The fact is my family has such a long and high-level association with the Catholic church (on both sides, obviously, but I'm talking about the Irish element primarily here); at many times they were financially provided for by the church in terms of having housing, land, etc; and of course we had many high-level clerics who were relatives of mine - I don't think there's been a generation until my mothers that didn't have at least two members of the generation become either nuns, priests, mother superiors, deans, bishops, etc etc etc.
As you know I've also worked within the Catholic industry myself, with people of all levels including international/Vatican clerics. And, y'know. That Pope dude. I've also had work on Catholicism, fiction and non fiction, published around the place. While I'm religiously a Satanist; and spiritually an atheist, I self-identify as Catholic.
What this long ramble all boils down to is the fact that at some point I need to face the fact that the history of my family was supported and financed by an institution that was bouyed by the bodies of abused children and CONTINUES to fuck about and this seems as good a time as any to recognise this. In the way I figure Australians, or other countries who've fucked up people/races/things, do.
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| Right. I'll do it this year. |
[04 Jul 2009|12:35am] |
I have the most annoying cough. It will not go. I've had a bloody cold for about a month on and off. Sometimes I cough twice a day. Sometimes I cough ALL day. It's just been an annoyance these past few days. Why. WHY? I suspect it's related to it coming up to THAT TIME OF THE MONTH, which is when I am joyfully infected and diseased by just about everything within barfing range. And then it goes away. I think my body is just like WTF WTF SOMETHING IS GONNA BLOW HERE WE DUNNO WHAT TO DO AHHHHH.
Well that's what the husband says, and I have to trust him, what with his massive knowledge of the female anatom--AHAHAHAHAHA OH GOD AHAHAHAHA.
More important than LIFE: I am doing a Rubik's Cube. For the love of god, someone tell me how to do more than one side at once? This is driving me nuts. I can do one side reassssonably well. But add more than one and everything falls apart. :/
Even more important - my resolution to do the NAGGING WIFE calendar. I think this is going to be great fun. Honest. I do.
I think my mistake last time was to whine for people to wear period clothes which was great except not everyone has post WW1 outfits just lying about in their bloody closets.
But now I just need models. So here is my call out below:
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I need models to pose for the 12 months of the year, to create the nagging wife calendar. Each month has a theme, so if you want to model (and can take high quality photos, ie nice resolution and look generally purty) please look below for the one you'd like to model for.
january - this does not go there
february - you'll track mud everywhere
march - why can't you put the seat down
april - i should have married this other guy
may - i don't know why you're laughing
june - you said you'd fix it and it still isn't fixed
july - were you born in a tent
august - how many times do i have to tell you
september - that outfit makes you look like a clown
october - fine i'll fix it myself
november - you smell
december - i told you so
Take as many liberties with the theme as you like.
Wives may be of any age, look, style, whatever. You can dress up to a time period or you can wear your jeans. However, wives MUST be wives. No girlfriends. No de facto. No anything else. Legal marriage or civil union are acceptable. Marriages that have been performed as ceremonies but were not legally binding ARE ACCEPTABLE in countries which have ass-hat marriage laws. Wives who have not been legally married but CONSIDER themselves wives are acceptable. Wives who have previously been husbands are acceptable.
You just have to be a wife. Otherwise my theme is rubbish, see.
Post Nagging Wife photos below or send them to me at popelindessaixATyahooDOTcoDOTuk. If you want to bagsie a particular month, let me know and I'll cross it off.
LET'S NAG!!!
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| How interesting. |
[02 Jul 2009|01:11pm] |
Work is odd, given that I was made redundant and then made part time for two months and now it seems like I'll be a mix of part time and contract work once my redundancy finishes, which is - curiously enough - exactly what I recommended my position be at the start of the year. However I suppose this shows that redundancy is not forever, it's just for however long it takes before money starts rolling again. Ho ho ho. This has probably been the best redundancy evar, given that I now enjoy my work instead of HATING THE FREE WORLD and am now focussed solely on the stuff I'm meant to be doing (ie, being awesome at WEB and writing content).
I enjoy working part time. I can't imagine anything nicer!
This post as a secondary function, and it is around the little community Rachel & I were attempting to build but then were total FAIL at it. Yes, it's clockworld. (See: http://clockworld.wikispaces.com/ )
Anyway as I now have more free time I am determined to get this bitch werkin'. So there's now a sort of call out for writery people who can a) contribute stories on at least a monthly basis, of any length and b) are able to use wordpress or can find someone who'll upload shit for them. People who are Good At Writing. If you're interested, here's a post to comment on. Yay.
http://community.livejournal.com/clockworld/2652.html
I know I've got a heap of artists out there in flist land. Would any of you be willing to donate art? I mean, not draw anything new or any such shite but if you have art of teenagers wearing school uniforms or fuckit any general clothing would be fine, that'd be awesome for our site layout.
Wheeeeeee.
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| Great Moments In RaceWrong |
[30 Jun 2009|11:54pm] |
When the Persians are the bad guys, they look like this:
When the Persians are the good guys, they look like this:
Frankly I think he looks more like a Spartan to me.
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| Who'd be female under Islamic law? |
[29 Jun 2009|06:48pm] |
Here's an article on Islam and Women. By an Islamic woman. Which is SO NICE, because there's so fucking few people - especially women - who bitch out Islam. Of course, I kind of expect someone is going to kill her now. Because, as Ayaan Hirsi Ali can probably tell her, That's How It Goes.
I defend Muslims persecuted by their enemies and their own kith and kin. I pray, fast, give to charity and try to be a decent human being. I also drink wine and do not lie about that, unlike so many other "good" Muslims. I am the kind of Muslim woman who maddens reactionary Muslim men and their asinine female followers. What a badge of honour.
Female oppression in Islamic countries is manifestly getting worse. Islam, as practiced by millions today, has lost its compassion and integrity and is entering one of the darkest of dark ages.
The full article.
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| "It's Fucking Filthy" |
[28 Jun 2009|06:46pm] |
Some shows would be really improved if they took our advice. Instead of "Perfect Housewives" or whatever that asshole show is called, it should be called, "You're Fucking Filthy".
A woman goes round to people's houses and tells them they're fucking filthy. She looks at their rooms and says, "Aw, that's fucking filthy." She looks in their drawers and is like, "That's fucking filthy." She makes vomit sounds. She looks at the children. "THEY'RE FUCKING FILTHY," she screams, and runs outside. As she runs up the street she passes gardens and garbage bins. Each one she proclaims is "FUCKING FILTHY".
Later on, at home, her husband/wife/lover propositions her for sex. "Ew. You are fucking filthy," is the predictable response.
Here's another one. You know how there's a hundred shows where two guys wander around the world and cook. Or wander around Britain and cook. Here's how to make this show infinitely better: NEITHER OF THEM KNOW HOW TO COOK AT ALL.
They're asked to cook a casserole. They have no idea what a casserole is. One of them looks on wikipedia. The results scare them. They look up dirty words for an hour. They freak out. One of them calls their mum.
"What's a casserole, mum?"
Their mum explains, patiently. The men try to do something casserole shaped. They set a towel on fire and run around the set screaming like little boys. Eventually they decide to just make beans on toast. None of their "esteemed guests" is very pleased with the results.
Next, it's on to Bristol, where they'll be making a Thai Noodle dish with braised chicken for Simon Cowell.
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[28 Jun 2009|12:21pm] |
Andy and I were talking about the problem with New Bond. And you know what it is?
It's that no one wants to be fucking Daniel Craig.
Even when Pierce Brosnan was being tied up and tortured at the beginning of that movie, you still wanted to be him, because you knew he'd get out in a few minutes and kick some ass and then bag some foreign birds and Q would give him a heap of awesome gadgets like invisible cars and exploding phones and whatever else, and he'd probably get to drive an aeroplane at some point, probably into a mountain, and escape at the last minute in a way that was unfeasibly awesome.
No one wants to be Daniel Craig. Because when you're Daniel Craig you get tortured, and then you get tortured again, and then you chase some guys and get all puffed afterwards, and you'll fall in love with some sort of trashy throwaway Bond girl, and then you'll have a cry if you haven't had one already, then you'll get fired, and you'll have a cry again, and then you'll get a job working at a convenience store, making small talk, crying, and all your friends die, and you have a cry, and your drink some shitty wank drink that no one can remember, and your watch sucks, and THE ENTIRE WORLD YOU LIVE IN IS BROWN.
When Pierce Brosnan was Bond you could sort of imagine that he was winking to the screen at every scene. Like, "Yep, I just won all that money on the card tables, because I'M BOND *WINK*" or "Yes I can pilot this plane because I'm BOND *WINK*" or "I totally just said that, I totally made that pun, because I'm BOND *WINKWINK*"
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| Begosh and begorrah |
[28 Jun 2009|08:28am] |
"Ireland recognized the legal rights of same-sex couples for the first time Friday in a civil partnership bill that gave people in long-term relationships many of the statutory rights of married couples.
But it stopped short of recognizing civil marriage. There are strong rights conferred to marriage under the constitution of the traditionally Catholic country, which was amended to lift a ban on divorce in 1995."
Ireland claws its way into the 21st century!
I've always felt that Ireland is one of those countries that talks one way and acts another. I did Work For The Pope and the other staff, particularly the long-term staff, were regularly atheist, progressive, unmarried-but-cohabiting and/or gay. And/or Catholic into the mix. There's a huge dissonance between "what happens in real life" and "what happens in the church".
Although "what happens in the church" is probably another story altogether.
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| I have dyed Andy's hair |
[27 Jun 2009|08:21pm] |
As very few people who've met Andy since 2005 know, he's a natural red-blond. Ginger beard and all.
I am once again fixing this problem, and below the cut is a picture of him with his hair AND EYEBROWS dyed. Yes, I know you're not supposed to do that as it could make you BLIND. But y'know, I'm now so fucking blind I practically need to wear glasses and my eyesight is STILL deteriorating, so I'd like to be able to be like, HA HA HA, I can barely see but YOU, YOU my friend, YOU ARE BLIND. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Later, I'll kick puppies.
( ATTACKED BY EYEBROWS )
I also have another question for you deeeelightful readers. I'm considering getting rid of the fringe. I just don't know why. I think it's cute and all and it hides (in part) the fact that I have no profile at all. I mean, really, my face is dead flat. I can put my hand against it FLAT and touch my eyebrows and chin and the very top of my nose. I look somewhat humanoid from the front but any angles... neeeehhh. But I think I look older without the fringe and slightly more respectable.
I know this is a serious question that affects many young women at some stage of their life, and I hope you can help me along this path to Do What Is Right.
I have created photos for viewage, so that You May Be The Judge.
( To FRINGE or not to FRINGE )
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| Pre-Review of Transformers 2 |
[26 Jun 2009|08:51pm] |
Can't decide whether to see Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen? Here's our quick three step review, based on Google's search suggestions:
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| How's life in swineflu post apocalyptic Real WORLD? |
[25 Jun 2009|04:44pm] |
So 11 people at Andy's work are sick with swine flu or are caring for swine flu. It's fortunate then that he's been moved to a new building, because I'm sorry, I could not even BEGIN to cope with that. Like. Seriously. SERIOUSLY. No way Ho say.
I have four job interviews over the next two working days, and apparently my boss is talking to their board about working out some further arrangement with them around me staying with them. This is crazy-weird. Of course it is. Yes. Yes indeed. I now have a window seat in the office (right behind the boss omg) and it's quite fun. The job interviews are for various things, I'm not really sure to be honest. The thing is that my skill set is REALLY REALLY FUCKING specialized so... hrrrr. People either WANT ME or DO NOT. XD
I am also being vaguely creative, I have one editing/puttingtogetherabook/etc project I'm working on. And for the rest of the time I am procrastinating. I want to try my hand at cyberfunded creativity. Because I AM A SUCKER FOR NEW TRENDS, YES. Look at me. A SUCKER. But it sounds so funnnnn. And I could write about pirates!!!
We bought some cold Oolong Iced Tea today as we were drinking that in America.
Turns out that Iced Tea according to this particular company means "We made some tea, and it got cold. ENJOY."
Not amused.
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| The new World. |
[22 Jun 2009|06:56pm] |
Andy has managed to combine EVERY PART OF TECHNOLOGY by browsing this livejournal through our television by accessing the computer while on the wii. Pfffhewwwww.
I am still disturbed by New Zealand's attitude to switching from quarantining to "whatever" on swine flu. It's like they hit 100 cases and then were like, aw shit, this is like way too hard. Fuck it, sort your own shit, we tried. XD
It's way too cold for me to thin at the moment. It's just mental. Winter here SUCKS! It's almost as bad as Derry. And Derry is motherfucking cold.
I don't understand quantum computing. Can someone help? I just don't get it. I feel like a fucking idiot when I'm reading about entanglement and other bullshit because I'm like, WTF, I have NO IDEA WHAT THIS SHIT MEANS. I understand there are words and shit but wtf.
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| Homai te Pakipaki is the BEST SHOW ON TV |
[19 Jun 2009|06:45pm] |
If you don't live in NZ, I shall explain that Homai te Pakipaki is a show on Maori TV which is basically American Idol. If Idol had no judges, and no one took the competition seriously, and people just turned up before the show and said, "Dude, can I sing tonight?"
And the people on it are SO FUCKING INSANELY TALENTED.
And sometimes they aren't.
And no one gives a shit.
This kid, however, IS.
In other news I have an interview with the Royal Society of New Zealand.
Yes.
I really fucking do. As their Manager Of Webbiness.
Yes. Really.
I am so ecstatic I could fucking SCREAM!!!!
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