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R.J.'s Talkback Plebe Radio
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| Spamtastic |
[21 Nov 2009|08:24pm] |
Nothing can make your girlfriend luckier than your big rod.
IT'S ACTUALLY A MAGIC WAND THAT'S WHY
Today I hung out with my aunt and cousin who are here from Sydney on holidays. Tomorrow I am hiking up Mount Victoria. I brought the rellies to Aaina which they liked. I have been there THREE TIMES THIS WEEK but the food is so fucking good. :/
Every time I see some of my rellies I'm like, holy fuck, hahaha, it's like our genepool doesn't move, it just overthrows any other genes added to the mix. All of us look the same.
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| Racial hair 2 |
[20 Nov 2009|11:42pm] |
I am from good mustache growing breeding stock. Check out my Chaplin, yo.
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| Racial hair. |
[20 Nov 2009|08:39pm] |
Andy is attempting to grow a mustache, perhaps to prove that he is not a hermaphrodite. It appears to be a small weak affair at present. I am confused by it.
Is it true that some races don't grow face hair? I was looking it up. I didn't find any decent evidence. Hah, clearly not. Yahoo answers is messing with me.
How do you grow better face hair? Is there a trick? My brother can grow only scruff yet my dad has a full mustache and stuff.
Edit I am now looking up the search phrase "northern scottish beards". It turns up a lot of pictures of dogs, but also this:
More beards: http://news.bbc.co.uk/nolpda/ukfs_news/hi/newsid_6974000/6974110.stm
Edit I changed the topic title on Andy's advice.
Also: on the subject of beautifying men...
Andy needs some moisturiser, do you have any suggestions? He is getting very dry skin around his nose.
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| Writer's Block: Book review |
[20 Nov 2009|04:02pm] |
I don't think there's an issue with rating books for teenagers as R, M15+ etc as you do with movies and videos. I know reading The Naked Lunch at 12 was a bloody stupid idea. I also don't see an issue with keeping some books as "request only".
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| Facebook wankery |
[19 Nov 2009|07:24pm] |
Cameron A STATUS: HYPOTHETICAL: The World has just been notified by global media that the 2012 theorists are in fact, correct. You now have an understanding that in three years, you will most likely be dead. WHAT IS YOUR 3 YEAR PLAN?
Andy RESPONSE: Everything I know about science and reason has been discarded in order to make this situation possible. I kill one out of every two people I meet from that day on. Unicorns roam the land, handing out Chick Tracts. Everyone whose star sign is Libra has a financial windfall due to the number 4. Jesus appears and tongue-kisses Buddha. People afflicted with terminal illnesses are miraculously cured by eating bull testicles, while anyone who ever got a vaccination suddenly develops Category 5 autism. Ghosts help people to find peace and lost socks. Proof emerges finally that man never really went to the moon.
I'll be fine though, I'm wearing my lucky socks.
---
THEN SOME FUCKWIT IS LIKE
Oh and the vaccination thing triggering Autism...already happening. I found my own peace thank you x
FUCKING NO. NO. FUCKING NO, YOU FUCKING STUPID PERSON.
GET OFF MY PLANET
JUST GET OFF
GET RIGHT OFF
I wish I had a gear that was somewhere between cruisin' and WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY.
In other news another person started writing Palin LUV on their facebook, so I've enstated a policy where I'm just deleting people off Facebook when they mention their horrible fucken political affiliations. The only places I am completely neutral politically are my writing blog, ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) zeemverse, my serial, avepasifika and my LinkedIn. Everywhere else?
GET OFF MY PLANET
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| Olsen and Boies |
[18 Nov 2009|08:17pm] |
I'm figuring everyone is yakyakyak on the Olsen and Boies case. Here's a link to more info, I'm so fucking sorry it has to be to the Huffington Post. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/trevor-neilson/letter-from-a-birmingham_b_208446.html
God I'm so sorry, let me wipe my hands on something clean
So what do you think of the case? Obviously I think it's awesome, because I think people are generally idiots and should be told what to do, and I'm sort of weirded out that it hasn't gone this far before. This seems like a more practical idea as well.
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| The Ettiquette of Defriending |
[18 Nov 2009|02:06pm] |
I am regularly defriended across all my journals, which I've always found rather jolly and/or hilarious.
I don't defriend very often unless you fuck me off, you fuck off a friend who I like better than you, or you're anti-choice. That's virtually it. Or so I thought.
Someone on my flist just became a fan of Sarah Palin.
Now look, OKAY, I have a real problem separating my politics from everything else. My thoughts on various issues are always changing, and I don't mind saying LOOK I DON'T FECKING know about issues I don't know about, but.
GODDAMMIT SHE'S A FAN OF FUCKING SARAH PALIN.
I've just wanked all over mgafm over this, who suggested wisely that I simply ignore her updates, but then the Palinfan emailed me an invite to a community which I probably should join except I can't, can I, because holymotherofflyingshit she's a fan of fucking Sarah Palin.
WHAT DOES ONE DO IN THIS SITUATION!?
I feel like I've entered a dinner party and a woman has just puked all over my face and then continued the conversation like nothing has happened, like:
"So how do you know the host?"
"Oh we went to school together."
"That's so jolly OHALSDKFJASLDKJFBBLARRRRRRRRRRRRRGH."
"OH SWEET FUCKING FUCK."
"Anyway as I was saying, that's so jolly, you must be really good friends."
"OH MY GOD ITS ON MY FACE WTF"
And so on.
I just played all that shit out in my head and now I want to vomit too. :( I fucking hate my phobias.
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| Woops and wiggles |
[17 Nov 2009|11:54pm] |
My first "official horror" story is out in Midnight Echo. http://australianhorror.com/index.php?view=174
Shit I've had way to much fiction coming out lately. And not enough being written.
I have been feeling rather shite of late. I think my body is slowly de-pickling after a week of being fucking drunk every fucking day.
I am feeling uninspired to write, and Ivy is off heteroing it up with her husband, and I never seem to sync up with Laina or anyone else so I'm bored and blargh.
Apparently my accent sounds posh to Canadians. No I tell a lie. It sounds posh to one Canadian.
As you may know Andy will have to go to the doctor on Thursday to find out what gender he is. Yes, this is hilarious. I shall keep everyone posted on the state of the LULZ.
I ate my bodyweight in indian takeaway for lunch and fucking hell, it's 12 at night now and I'm still full. SRSLY.
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| OH YEAH. MAH BOOK. |
[15 Nov 2009|11:24pm] |
Preorder the new Crossed Genres anthology and you get to read my serialised novel for free. http://crossedgenres.com/store/anthology-preorder/
Yeah, the novel IS the one I wrote while drunk in uni about the cross dressing mortician and the blue chick who gets fucked in all her orifices. YES I AM STAYING CLASSY.
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| memetastic |
[14 Nov 2009|05:00pm] |
Meme via  . I have also put in my most hated too. :D
#1. Your Fav Perfume: I like vanilla and chocolate smells.
Least Fav: I don't like most commercial perfumes. Blurgh.
#2. Your Fav Colour: Black.
Least Fav: Purple.
#3. Your Fav thing you love to buy: QQRice. Little rice balls. With food in them. OMG.
Least Fav: Clothes.
#4. Your Fav male actor: I think the only actors whose movies I always watch are Will Smith, Bruce Willis, Keanu Reeves and Jet Li. I fucken love Stephen Chow though. (The only actress whose movies I always watch is Rachel Weiss, fuck damn she has class. I always wind up watching Thandie Newton movies, too, but only I think to watch how terrible the movie that surrounds her is. Oh Thandie, you're possibly the most beautiful woman on the planet, but fuck damn tell your agent to get you into a GOOD MOVIE as opposed to the wealth of shite you seem to wander aimlessly into.)
Least Fav: Ben Stiller, Matthew McConnaghfuckwhatever, Vince Vaughn, Will Ferrell...
#5. Your Fav female singer: Dory Previn, possibly. :D
Least Fav: That fucking Sparks chick is so much fail.
#6. Your Fav Food: I'm a sucker for Malaysian Hawker shit. :D
Least Fav: Steak? Sausages? I still have flashbacks to finding gristle in a sausage when I was 9.
#7. Your Fav place to visit: I still have great memories of Mauritius. I really want to go back next year.
Least Fav: Canberra.
#8. Your Fav flower: Roses. I like some orchids too. My wedding was orchids and roses.
Least Fav: Every fucking Australian native fucking plant ever.
#9. Your Fav TV show: Right now? Harper's Island. FUCK YAH. We also love Everyone Hates Chris, pity that was cancelled.
Least Fav: I hate so much. The Loop and How I met Your Mother are beyond awful.
#10. A Fav Movie: I think my favourite has always been a toss up between I, Robot and Master & Commander. But dem, GI Joe was fucking class. In Bruges, also legendary. The History Boys, also yay. Fifth Element, similarly rockfull. The Fall was fucking SWEET. Kung-Fu Hustle, HELL YEAH. Unleashed, OMG. Mummy until MUMMY 3 WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT ABOMINATION.
Least Fav: Big Fish, Hell Boy 2, Max Payne, anything Tim Burton has touched since Edward Scissorhands. Andy suggested Surrogates should be on this list too, but I don't think it even comes close to the fucking horror that was Hell Boy 2. Oh. And Mummy 3. Holy. Shit.
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| I'm watching RENT |
[14 Nov 2009|03:49pm] |
Every time I see this I think why the fuck don't they just get jobs and pay the rent?
EVERYONE ELSE IN THE CAST apart from Mark and Roger manages to do that.
What fucks!
God those two are fail. You know a song is going to start sucking the moment Roger opens his fucking mouth, and you know you're going to want to punch Mark as soon as he appears anywhere.
Doesn't help that I'm watching it with Andy-the-cynic. Watching the Maureen scene where everyone starts mooing, he says: "The only difference between you people and cows is that cows produce something."
I'm amused in that scene that the expression Benny makes when Maureen snerks at him is less OH NOES WHAT A HO than DAMN MY WIFE'S A BITCH.
Shit, every time I watch this I feel so sorry for Benny. His friends or ex friends are a bunch of pathetic deadbeat fucks.
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| On the poet, Percy Bysshe Shelley |
[13 Nov 2009|02:13pm] |
Rochelle: well his name was percy. that's got a mess with a guy
Rachel: I adore that name
Rochelle: yes. you should rename andy
Rachel: I already have. You don't think he was born Andy do you? I gave him two choices when we met, either he was an Andy or a Drew. Or he could make some other shit up.
Rochelle: what did he go by before?
Rachel: Andrew. lol. So not a big change but I didn't like that
Rochelle: so he totally changed his name. first and last
Rachel: Yeah.
Rochelle: you must have a magical vagina
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| Writer's Block: Famous last words |
[11 Nov 2009|06:23pm] |
...and I'm gonna take every last motherfucking one of you with me.
I mean, IDEALLY, that's how I'd want to go.
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| NO. NO. NO. |
[11 Nov 2009|06:05pm] |
I have like a crazy love for hot blasian guys, because they are win. I have special love for Ne-Yo, not just because he writes songs that are like YAY I love a smart woman that's SO AWESOME but...
Really hot right?????? OH NOES.
SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN HE TAKES HIS HAT OFF.
( Ne-yo without a hat )
WAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIL
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| the life of ME. |
[11 Nov 2009|04:38pm] |
I'm currently screaming - along with about twenty other authors - at the bullshittery that has been made of a publishing house which brought out a book of ours.
The publishing house is in Canada, Ontario. I'm wondering if anyone knows any lawyers in that neck of the woods? Or if anyone IS a lawyer in that neck of the woods?
Basically I want to break my contract because THESE PEOPLE ARE FUCKING DICKS.
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| IT IS MY BIRTHDAY |
[10 Nov 2009|09:42pm] |
I REQUIRE PRESENTS FROM YOU ALL.
Thus:
Below, please post the most hilarious thing you have seen on the internet this week.
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| snork |
[10 Nov 2009|03:01pm] |
see more Epic Fails
Met a guy from across the hall today. He was interested in me doing some writing for him. How curious.
My screaminess over publisher A fucking dying a death may be fixed by publisher B. Fingers crossed.
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