Andy and I were talking about the problem with New Bond. And you know what it is?

It's that no one wants to be fucking Daniel Craig.

Even when Pierce Brosnan was being tied up and tortured at the beginning of that movie, you still wanted to be him, because you knew he'd get out in a few minutes and kick some ass and then bag some foreign birds and Q would give him a heap of awesome gadgets like invisible cars and exploding phones and whatever else, and he'd probably get to drive an aeroplane at some point, probably into a mountain, and escape at the last minute in a way that was unfeasibly awesome.

No one wants to be Daniel Craig. Because when you're Daniel Craig you get tortured, and then you get tortured again, and then you chase some guys and get all puffed afterwards, and you'll fall in love with some sort of trashy throwaway Bond girl, and then you'll have a cry if you haven't had one already, then you'll get fired, and you'll have a cry again, and then you'll get a job working at a convenience store, making small talk, crying, and all your friends die, and you have a cry, and your drink some shitty wank drink that no one can remember, and your watch sucks, and THE ENTIRE WORLD YOU LIVE IN IS BROWN.

When Pierce Brosnan was Bond you could sort of imagine that he was winking to the screen at every scene. Like, "Yep, I just won all that money on the card tables, because I'M BOND *WINK*" or "Yes I can pilot this plane because I'm BOND *WINK*" or "I totally just said that, I totally made that pun, because I'm BOND *WINKWINK*"